Image source: here

So recently, we've been asked to answer this question within a short amount of time: "How would you describe yourself in 3 words".

Everyone starts off by wondering what defines us, what shaped us to be the way we are now, think of questions like "who am I?", "what am I?" and basically squeezing every bit of our brain juice to come up with an answer. Some of us can just about tell all their traits and strengths at the tip of their fingers because they understand themselves that much.

For the rest of us, we are in the same boat. We will think and wonder for a very long time trying to come up with something that describes you and doesn't sound lame. After a few minutes, a group of people would have thought of the answer and proceed to join the "I know myself" gang. Then, again, the rest of us, would think over and over again. Once the time is up, we'll eventually come to a four letter conclusion: "shit".

As a proud member of the latter group, I got stuck trying to figure out my third strength. I know I'm hardworking (actually, am I?) and I know I'm determined. I just need one more right? A piece of cake.

Or so I thought.

Just go with "extrovert". I mean, I like meeting people, it excites me. I'm always the cheerful one and the mood maker in parties and stuffs. I would initiate the conversation with people, regardless it's a friend or a stranger. That makes me an extrovert, no?

But.. I sometimes don't like being the centre of attention. I want to have some alone time on weekends. I want to shut myself in and spend the whole day reading or doing something more productive such as crying over watching dramas. I need time for myself.

To be honest, I actually am aware of this problem way back in high school. My best friends would say I'm an extrovert, without a doubt. Strangers on the other hand would call me an introvert. All this while, I just went with the flow. I consider my energetic meter as the second-in-line in the list of the 7 wonders of Shu En's world, with "how can people stay so skinny after eating that much?" being the first.

When I'm feeling like partying hard and going wild, I'll go all out. Once all the energy depletes, you'll see me being a couch potato in the least eye-catching corner of the party. I like meeting new people and getting to know them better, but having to do public presentations scares the hell out of me.

For the longest time, I thought I'm weird. (Well actually I still think i am) I thought I was the only odd one with such complicated personality. Until I stumbled upon the holy-est word in the history of holy words: ambivert.

"Oooooohhh" Image source: here

So what's an ambivert? According to Uncle Google, it's "a person whose personality has a balance of extrovert and introvert features". In another words, think of introversion and extroversion being the extreme ends on a spectrum with ambiversion in the middle. Or simply look at the image below to understand it.

Image source: here

Now, you might probably be wondering how do I know I'm an ambivert. At first, it was only my assumption. I want to take up the "honour" of being called an extrovert by my friends, but I was extremely miserable because at times, I'm a terrible extrovert. Sure I could talk all day long and mix around with friends despite having some bad experiences before. I have no problems being the leader of a group or trying to compete who barks louder with my neighbour's Chihuahua. However, it is when I'm alone I feel the energy surging back into my drained soul for socialising too much. I desperately need the "me" time during the weekends after spending the rest of the day with everyone else except for myself.

Before you jump into the stereotype bandwagon saying "this girl is so complicated", imagine my energy level being the replica of a Sam***g battery life. When charged, I'll be an extrovert and perform clown stunts all over the place. However,  it won't take long for my energy level to hit zero, much like the lifespan of S battery we all know too well. After that, I'll crave for alone time.
Disclaimer: Replica imagining is for illustration purposes and does not include all the cool features S battery has to offer, namely, the explode feature.

Okay so that is the gist of how I came about thinking I'm an ambivert. Now for confirmation, I asked Aunty Google how do I know for sure whether I'm an ambivert or not?

I took several tests but I only remembered to screenshot 2 of the tests. Here it is:

Test link: here

Of course, doing these tests does not prove that I'm an ambivert for sure but I felt slightly more happy knowing where I belong instead of playing "hit or miss" all the time with extroversion and introversion.

Now, to the main reason for this post, why am I trying to make the existence of ambiverts known? I actually just want my close friends and family to understand me better even in the slightest bit after reading this. Approach a bunch of strangers alone and get to know them? Sure, okay. Voice out your view points in front of the lecture theatre? Mummy, I can't do it.

The hardest decision ever for me is having to choose to either spend my weekends at an outing with friends or chilling at home and doing nothing in particular. I'm totally fine with either one so it's a living hell having to choose just one of it.

Also, going to unknown places to explore with a bunch of friends excites me as I'm quite adventurous. Meeting new people at a familiar place alone sounds fine to me too. However, the thought of meeting new people at an unfamiliar place alone is overwhelming for me. I'm not sure whether it's because of the sense of attachment I have with things that I am familiar or because I'm just plain weird, I find it hard not being able to hold onto something that I know I could rely on. Much like a baby losing his pacifier or your chou chou (smelly bolster) smelling like detergent fragrance after being thrown into the washing machine by your mom.

All the stuffs that I've shared are all my personal views on ambiverts. I am not sure how the rest of the ambivert population in this world sees this but oh well, bombard me with comments and tell me what you think.

The quest of searching who you are is a life-long journey, but it's actually quite interesting for me because I would get to know new sides and sides that I no longer have over time. It may be hard for some of you to categorise yourself as an extrovert or an introvert just like me. Just bare in mind the existence of ambiverts and cheer up because we do exist. And meeting another ambivert would be the most amazing thing to happen.

xoxo